Day 7

I think I spoke too soon yesterday or jinxed myself, rather, as today was super difficult. I am feeling very slow and my joints were locking up like crazy today. Starting to grey out a bit when I rise quickly, so I should start being mindful of standing up slowly. My depth perception is pretty wonky today as well, in addition to feeling chopped and screwed, overall.

My ex is really grating on me currently, not directly... but the fact that he's gladly moving on, and doing so completely without remorse. Oh yes, that last part fucking stings; witnessing the one who squashed you like a bug going about on their merry way is inexplicably brutal.

This fast is largely fueled by my dire need for revenge and it's proving to be, by far, the best motivation that I've ever had during a period of starvation. After the initial post-breakup-binge, which amazingly only lasted a week and a half, I quickly got on task.

Usually I have a specific date or goal in mind (which I do have that trip in mid-December... but that's nearly 2 months away), which I don't take seriously until the last weeks in my time frame, and that's usually not enough time to get to my goal weight. But this time I jumped straight into the fast, despite the fact that I could have gone a couple of weeks more of eating before beginning to starve.

I am working hard on this fast, using more discipline and self-control than I ever had before... and I have faith in all that is ana that this perseverance will bring me all I am wishing for.