I am finally getting excited about this. I feel super high today, my jaw is so jittery. I missed this feeling so much. No one is suspicious of anything, since I have about 20lbs to drop before anyone will think anything is up. I love the secret feeling, I love turning down food, I love to feel my stupid stomach beg for something... it means I am doing well. Having something so special that no one else can interfere with or take away is amazing, I have a sneaky smile all day about it.

I am looking to take a trip with a friend in mid-late December, so in less than 2 months, and I think that trip will be my goal time. I'd like to be down to a size 6 by then, but that is far away from the horrid state I'm in right now. I am doing well though and I think I could easily drop 20-30lbs in 6 weeks if I keep on a liquid diet.

I will need a LOT of motivation along the way but I am so determined; this time more than any time before. I don't want to treat this as a temporary fix as I usually do... I am finally ready and experienced enough to try to walk the eternal and fine line of delicate thinness.