Day 29

I was out and about this morning, in my now ubiquitous wandering-in-a-daze state. I was actually thinking about eating, what the hell? I think I was feeling discouraged a bit because it's really hard for me to notice if I'm losing weight fast enough, I feel fucking humongous and just as disgusting as when I started this a month ago, because I'm barely halfway to my goal size.

I made my way out of the park and on to the sidewalk to head back home. Walked a few blocks where I then ran into someone I haven't seen in maybe 6 months, as I've been especially reclusive this year... not that I care much for this girl to begin with, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, when she saw me, she gave me the once-over and her jaw absolutely dropped. She kept saying how amazing I looked but just seeing her immediate reaction would have been enough; it was genuine shock followed by a chaser of jealousy as she choked down the bite of the disgusting hot dog she was gnawing on when I first walked by... and let's face it, we live for these moments.

Well, I know I do anyway.

After that, I decided to the store to size down in my jeans today (finally) as they're super skinny jeans, which I was literally busting out of like Jabba the Hut a month ago... and by now, were almost falling off of my hips entirely. It looked like shit but this time I am trying to do everything differently than my previous fasts. Such as not weighing myself and not trying to squeeze into too-small clothing. I used to think these things motivated me but really they only resulted in failing, getting discouraged and then viciously binging.

I reckon I have lost about 20 lbs this month as I actually had to go down 2 jean sizes instead of just one like I was predicting... best surprise ever, because that means I'm about halfway to my goal (though of course I'll probably want to drop an extra 10lb once I get there... but let's cross that bridge when I've reached it).

Starve on, my loves.
xox