I was reading over my last few entries and they sound terribly uninspired. I suppose this is because I have hit a bit of a wall with my weight loss, so I figured I should talk about some of the great aspects of this experience to psych myself back up a bit.

I mean, hello! I've made it 20 days without swallowing a bite of food... this is my greatest anaccomplishment yet, I should be rejoicing. During this plateau of weight loss, I should be reflecting on other the other benefits beside the exterior.

I think of food often, but not in a sad, I-wish-I-was-eating-right-now type of way... but rather as some forbidden mythical thing. Sort of like the way I dream of wearing Givenchy haute couture, the plates of delicious food have become this unattainable fantasy. I find myself in total contempt of bad food, most junk foods, things like that, perhaps because at this point the thought of eating even a single piece of grilled asparagus would feel like a naughty feast. As each day goes on that I perfect the emptiness of and purify my body, the thought of putting unnecessary or excessive things into it becomes almost alien, almost unimaginable.

Though it probably sounds redundant, there is nothing like relishing in the massive self-control that this requires. I feel empty, gloriously empty. My joints ache, my stomach doesn't even dare to growl at me anymore because it fucking well knows my answer by now. Even when I chew gum, my jaw gets terribly sore, due to lack of use, I'm sure... and oh, how this makes me smile inside.