Day 5

Oh, how I wish I could actually enjoy a bath. Before each one I always have such anticipation, I am so excited; the bubbles, the candle, the potential coziness. And each time... I get out after 10 minutes because I can't stand being in a vessel that won't let me forget precisely how much fucking space I take up.

I want to be small in the bath, to sink down and disappear into the warmth and bubbles... but I can't. My feet touch the other end of the tub even when my legs aren't stretched out all the way, my chest from mid-tit upward is exposed and cold and of course not nearly concave enough, I try to switch to the fetal position but then I see that my gargantuan hip rises up out of the water like an iceberg. I give up, I get out. I try to see if the towel wraps around any further than the day before.

It, of course, doesn't.




There it is, my delicious daily meal. Save for the constant water and 10oz. of juice that I consume, that is what I look forward to every evening. It warms my body and soul but most important of all, provides me with just enough guilt to be able to work out every night like a maniac each night while I'm fasting. I'd like to go another 20 days at least.

Thank you so much for the few comments I get, they mean the world to me and keep me going more than you know. Hope you girls are having a lovely weekend. Stay strong and keep being inspiring. <3

xoxox